i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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