Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
