I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
