is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
