Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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