K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
