At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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