Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How's work?
Spinning.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
