He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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