I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
