Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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