I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
