Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
