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i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i now understand why vodka
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
