Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize