Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
