I just made out with a guy for $7.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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