Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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