i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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