Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
