Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
