I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
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