I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've blown a few things in my day
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
