how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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