she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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