I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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