My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
