ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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