:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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