when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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