spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We just shotgunned beers for America
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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