i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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