it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
