Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
