in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
