I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize