you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
All the doctor said was why
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
