My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My vagina just recognized that song.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
