and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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