she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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