I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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