he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
