my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
