i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
