like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
