On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he shaved USA in his pubs
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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