its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
