So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
