DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This baby is an asshole
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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