He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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