I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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