everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
