He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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