Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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