your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
