Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
