He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
