Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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