My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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