The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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