pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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